What I learned losing my mother-in-law

Wanda experienced a lot of death in her life beginning with the loss of her parents in her early teens. The youngest of seven children, she went to live with her oldest sister until she married at age sixteen. Before she entered her twenties, she was a very happy mother of two with a husband who had a promising career in the military. Wanda would go on to have six children, but two of those blessings would have their lives cut short by tragedies; one died in a fire as a toddler and another was a victim of a homicide as an adult. 

Suffering the loss of a child, let alone two, is one of the most devastating events that a parent can experience, but Wanda was so strong. Yes, she grieved, but she also supported and nurtured her other four children and shared how grateful she was for the time she was mother to the children she lost. She never played the “victim” card or used her loss as an excuse. When she would speak of her late children, it was always with love and affection, not bitterness and regret. She knew she had given them all of her love.

“While it wasn’t always easy, my husband and I are so glad we were able to make Wanda’s last few years as pleasant and comfortable as we could.”

Susan R.

Wanda lived a long life and loved being a grand-mother and great-grand-mother. When I married Wanda’s son and introduced her to my son from my first marriage, the first thing she did was give him a hug and the second was asking him to, “call me Nana.” She gave him as much love as her biological grand-children and they had a special bond.

As Wanda entered her eighties, her health began to decline and she came to live with our family. My husband converted the downstairs office into a lovely bedroom for her and she loved spending time with her grandchildren and watching her daytime soap or “Law and Order” reruns. She freely discussed her wishes with us and her other children, which made making decisions much easier for us as dementia and other health issues took their toll. Having experienced the deaths of her parents and two of her children, she did not want measures taken to prolong her life and asked that her ashes join those children at the cemetery near her birthplace. 

While it wasn’t always easy, my husband and I are so glad we were able to make Wanda’s last few years as pleasant and comfortable as we could. At times it was quite challenging balancing our family and full-time jobs with her care. It really helped that our children pitched in by making dinner or giving her a ride, and they were able to get to know their Nana even better. 

When Wanda passed, she was surrounded by family including children, grand-children, and great-grand-children. It was peaceful and on her terms. I hope for the same when my time comes. Wanda passed on so much strength and love to her family and that legacy continues to live on.

Thank you, Wanda!

Susan R.